Friday, March 18, 2011

this kind of woman

We have these ideas and ideals for ourselves after each rite of passage (and probably more often than that as evidenced by yearly resolution-building). I married. I've had my children (let's hope), and they are young. I have worked now long enough not to be a complete newbie at my profession. So I have these ideas and ideals. You know, like the vintage mom thing. mary jane's farmgirl thing?

By the way, before I wanted to be Anne of Green Gables, period. (I might still?)

Let's see where we are now though. I want to be strong/fit--so healthy that no psoriasis can even find a place to pop up. When I eat food, I want to taste it really well. Maybe it's close to the perfection of C.S. Lewis' Perelandra. I want to make Wendell Berry, Barbara Kingsolver and Michael Pollan proud of me and my homegrown purity. Dig in the soil as we plant seeds and realize that dirt is in so many ways us.

I want to let any quirky ingenuity have a place to come out--maybe I could knit, maybe I could actually keep a journal regularly. I'm sure it comes out in some of the girls' experiences these days.

There is the kitchen floor, also . That Eureka steamer-ma-bob: so lovely. I actually like tidying up now. (Don't mention that to Mom--it could add some bitterness to the years of being patient with me in my messes.) Maybe I'll embrace cuponing and find ways to bring that CRAZY electric bill down (tell me yours is also crazy!?).

And what about sophistication? I find in these last two or three years that I like jewelry and some modicum of fashion (at least during the workday--I'm a still mostly a slob at home). The BBC is so good that it makes you want to slap your momma (Thanks, Fran.) Masterpiece Theatre, Sci Fi, Jane Austen, ahhhh.

I also hear Billy Joel's "Keepin' the Faith" echo in my ears from time to time. It's hard to stick with everything I assumed as a younger person. And then after reading awesome books and other sources devoted to making you really think: you don't care if it makes sense maybe? I don't really know how to describe this part. But I do think that if there really is a "God," that God is a whole lot bigger and more gracious than any of us could qualify and quantify. I feel a need to understand the unity of things these days.

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